YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
