My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
