am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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