my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
