Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
