im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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