my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
