The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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