I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Randomize
