There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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