I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
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Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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