so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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