you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Panties = found
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
