Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dick very happy bro
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
