Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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