she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
