My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
