My room smells like vodka and shame
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
