So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize