go do what you do best...puke behind churches
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
