Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
