i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
