If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
