I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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