she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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