my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
