he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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