He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
