she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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