He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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