My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
