everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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