i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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