Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
