I feel like abortions should bother me more
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
