If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
