Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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