Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
