i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
