I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
