party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
