Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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