Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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