Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
