I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
3 2 1 whiskey
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
