We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
