So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
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Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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