Is it normal to miss your booty call?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
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after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
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Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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