My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
