Me. At least after what I've been through.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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