A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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