yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
