She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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