I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
