I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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