then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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