my sisters under your porch take her home
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
