You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
