My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
