oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
