my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
