but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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