next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize