I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
